Information Sharing

Parenting Concern

I would appreciate any input based on professional experience with the following parent concern:

The concern of the parent is that her 10 year old male son witnessed the mother and father having “marital relations”.  They forgot to lock the door.  The family is Latino-English is not spoken in the home-this was translated to me. The parents have their own room and four boys (12, 10, 2 year old twins) share a room.  The son now wishes to sleep with the parents and expressed concern that they would have another child.  The parents have stated no to both those concerns The 12 and 10 year old have many questions.

Taking into consideration culture, family of boys, age of boys etc…anyone have suggestions on parental approach to this concern?

I am familiar with books out there for females…are there any for males that discuss body changes, facts about sex etc…?

Thank you.

Helen Nygaard

3 Comments to “Parenting Concern”
  1. This situation certainly provides a golden opportunity for the parents to talk to their sons! Planned Parenthood has great information for parents in both English and Spanish (organized by the age of the child).

    http://noplacelikehome.org/english.php

    http://noplacelikehome.org/spanish.php

    All the content is available as a downloadable PDF file (75 pages). Page 7 discusses your parents situation …
    “Speaking of Privacy …
    You forgot to remind Ricky not to
    enter your bedroom without
    knocking; or maybe he’s concerned
    about the noises, and
    thinks mommy and daddy are
    fighting. Whatever the reason,
    there he stands.”

    These are some books on sexuality by age that I recommend to parents: http://pricelessparenting.com/BooksOnSexuality.aspx

    Best Regards,

    Kathy Slattengren, M.Ed.

  2. Hi Helen,

    One good book for a child or for the child and parent to read together is, “it’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health” by Robie Harris. (Recommended by a very experienced sex educator in Mpls)

    Another good book for the educator or parent is, “From Diapers to Dating: A parent’s guide to raising sexually healthy children”” by Debra Haffner
    She has an excellent review of what to do if your child walks in on you – p. 77-79.
    She says this situation happens to most couples eventually. So, these parents don’t have to feel that this is unusual.

    She talks about preparing for this eventuality, figuring out what the child is concerned about, worries parents have about how this will affect their child, how to lovingly respond to the child and the partner, cultural norms (75% of the world’s children sleep in the same room with their parents), etc.

    Therese

  3. I believe this is a great question for a “promotora” or a paraprofessional/professional who is fluent not only in the family’s language, but also the family’s culture. Not all of our resources and beliefs from the mainstream culture translate so well.

    Tamara Bakewell